Hey, this is the humor section. Just so u know, well over half of the jokes are dirty ones. Just thought u should know that.
A Dog Named Sex- This is pretty funny.
Slogans For National Condom Week- Hey, it COULD happen.
Top Ten Reasons To Be A Man- I came up with this list with the help on some friends at school (thanks to the guys in Mr.Harwood's block C). These reasons r what we consider good and valid.
Top Ten Reasons To Be A Woman- I came up with this just to have some balance (Claire, Sarah and Melissa started to bitch about us guys being sexist), but half of the reasons will probably be wrong since i'm a guy and haven't experienced these things first hand. I still think it's better to be a guy.
Look for much more stuff to be posted soon. Till then, u can go to links and look under humor for some more stuff.
A Dog Named Sex
Most ppl call their dogs Spot, Spike or something like that. I called mine sex. So when i went to get my dog license i said:
"I'd like a license for Sex." The guy behind the counter said:
"So would I."
"No, u don't see, she's a DOG," said i in response. Here's what i got back:
"I don't care what she looks like."
One day i tried to put my dog in a contest. Unfortunately i got cancelled because of a fire at the building. So i found myself talking to a stranger. Here's how it went:
"I wanted to have Sex in the contest," said i.
"U should have sold your own tickets." Said Mark, the guy i was talking to.
"No, i wanted to have Sex on tv." Was what i said in response.
"Don't worry about that, it goes on all the time already."
Later on in life i got married and i wanted to bring Sex on my honeymoon. When i tried to get a seperate room for Sex, here's how things went:
"I'd like to get a separate room for Sex." Said I.
"NO, u don't need another room to have sex, u can do whatever u want in your room." Was what i got.
"No, Sex can get very messy and dirty and i don't want it in my room." Was my counter reply. All i got was:
"U lucky dog."
One day Sex ran away and i looked all over town for it. I was in an alley at 3am when i police officer came to me and asked:
"What r u doing in an alley at 3am?"
"Looking for Sex." Was what i said. My court date comes up on tuesday.
Joke Index
Slogans For National Condom Week
And remember, the only plausible reason not to wear a condom is because your dick might choke and die on it's own excrements (i know that was uncalled for).
Joke Index
Dirty Joke= a joke that is dirty in nature dealing with materials only appropriate for ppl above the age of 10.
The Magic Dildo
One day a women walks into a sex store and say, "I want the best goddamn dildo u have." The guy working there say, "OK, take this one, it's a magic dildo. What u do is say 'Magic Dildo' then wherever u want it to go and it goes there." The lady buys it and puts it in her bag, while driving home her she feels horny so she say, "Magic Dildo my pussy." And the magic dildo started to screw her pussy. She was having such a good time that she forgot about driving and started to swerve around on the road. SO a cop pulls her over to the side of the road, the cops ask why she was swerving around so much. So the lady explains, "Well i got this magic dildo and what u do is say 'magic dildo' then where u want it to go and it screws it." The cop obviously didn't believe her and he yelled "MAGIC DILDO MY ASS!!!".
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The Paper Add
There was a women who had had a bad husband who beat her up then eventually ran away. The thing was that he was real good in bed and the women wanted someone to replace him. So one day she put an add in the paper that says "Man wanted, must not beat me, must not run away, and must be real good in bed." For a few days nobody comes then the doorbell rings and there is a man in a wheelchair there with no arms and no legs. He says, "I'm here about the add in the paper." The women says, "U can't be what i'm lookng for." Before the women closes the door on him, the guy says, "Wait, i have no arms to beat u with and no legs to run away with." The women thinks about this for a second then says, "But r u good in bed?" The guy says, "Well how the fuck do u think i rang the doorbell???"
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The Sex Store
There was a guy who worked at a sex store, one day his boss comes in and says "Apu, if u don't make $300 dollars today i'm gonna have to fire u. I'm gonna go out so watch my lunch." So now Apu is worried about losing his job, then a women comes in and says, "I want a really big dildo." Apu gives her a dildo for $50 and the women leaves happy. Another women comes in and says, "I want a huge dildo to use on myself." Apu gives her a dildo for $100 and the women leaves happy. Then one more women comes in and says, "I want the biggest fucking dildo u have!!!" Apu gives her a dildo for $150 and the women leaves happy. Ten minutes later, Ape's boss comes in and ask "Did u make $300?" Apu says "Yes i did, i sold one large dildo, one extra large and your thermos."
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Look! No Hands!
One day a redneck decides to teach his daughter the basic of sex. He tells her to take off her pants and underwear. He asks, "Do u feel my finger up your ass?" His daughter says, "Yes daddy." The redneck says, "Look! No hands!"
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Vodka Bottle
One day there were two poor russians living in Moscow, a wife called Natalya and a husband called Gennady. One day Gennady finds a bottle of vodka unopen so he opens it up. Out pops a genie who says he will grant Gennady one wish. Gennady, being the drunk he is, wishes that his piss is the BEST tasting vodka ever. The genie grants his wish and Gennady promptly pees in a bottle then drinks it up and exclaims "Yob tvoyu maht (fuck your mother in english, a popular russian idiom)! This is the best vodka i have ever had!" When he gets home he gives his Natalya the bottle and tells her to drink up. She loves the vodka and demands to find out where it came from, when he tells her and doesn't believe him, he pisses into a bottle and proves it to her. He fills up another bottle and they get drunk and have sex. The next night Gennady fills up one glass of vodka for himself, when his wife asks where her glass is, Gennady replies "Tonight, u drink from the bottle."
Joke Index
Top Ten Reasons To Be A Man Instead Of A Woman
If u have any comments (flame mail included), email it to me. I will support my reasons, but if u do have a good point, i will change. But i'm pretty confident in my reasons. Email me about any of the reasons because most of them r pretty contraversial.
Joke Index
Top Ten Reasons To Be A Woman Instead OF A Man
If u have any comments (flame mail included), email it to me. I will support my reasons, but if u do have a good point, i will change. But i'm pretty confident in my reasons. For the reasons to be a women (especially #'s 1,2,3 and in fact all of them r pretty contraversial), email me about any of them and i will support them with logic and reasoning (take that u women's lib bitches).
Joke Index
