GIRLFRIEND COMMUNICATION GUIDE

Men are from Mars? Women are from Venus? Please. We're all from the same Hell, and it's called Earth. Here's some help to translate what she is saying so that you don't end up being killed in your sleep.

WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND SAYS Vs. WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND MEANS:


· We need. = I want.

· It's your decision. = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

· Do what you want? = You'll pay for this later!

· We need to talk. = I need to complain

· Sure... go ahead. = I don't want you to.

· I'm not upset. = Of course I'm upset, you retard.

· You're look very manly. = You need a shave and you smell.

· Does this dress look good on me? = I need to buy a new dress.

· I'm hungry. = Spend tons of money on me at an expensive restaurant.

· You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?

· I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = It's my period.

· I love you = I'll have sex with you if you shower me with gifts.

· I DO like sports = Namely, none you like.

· Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I feel fat.

· This kitchen is so inconvenient. = I want a new apartment.

· I want new curtains... = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

· I need wedding shoes. = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

· Hang the picture there. = NO, I mean hang it there!

· I heard a noise. = I noticed you were almost asleep.

· Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

· How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.

· I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

· I need to go to the bathroom = No sex for you.

· I need to powder my nose = I'll be back in half an hour.

· I love you cooking = Order delivery food.

· Can't you see??? = (You're toast, there is no correct answer)

· I believe you = I know you were drinking so don't cover up.

· Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

· You have to learn to communicate. = You have to learn to agree with me.

· Are you listening to me!? = (When you hear this it's too late. You're dead!)

· Yes. = No.

· No. = No.

· Maybe. = No.

· I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.

· I'm not yelling! = Yes I'm yelling, because this is important.

In answer to "What's wrong?"

· The same old thing. = You.

· Nothing. = Everything.

· Everything. = My PMS is acting up.

· Nothing, really. = I hate you!

· I don't want to talk about it. = I'm not ready to yell at you yet.